Husband has this dream in which the various federal departments are not only forced to slash their budgets and payrolls by enormous percentages, but also are divvied up by region of the country. Why? Because wherever government congregates in too large a crowd, our money is spent at an even more alarming rate. The harder you make their jobs, the less they'll be able to do. And the less they can do, the more we'll be left alone.
So where do they all go? Here's our joint list:
IRS: Nome, AK. Pure punishment.
Treasury: NYC
Commerce: Chicago
Defense: Omaha
Justice: stays in DC with the Supreme Court
HHS: Minneapolis
Education: Boston
State Department: Miami
Labor: Cleveland
Interior: Denver
Agriculture: Kansas City
Energy: Houston
HUD: New Orleans
Transportation: Los Angeles
Veterans Affairs: San Diego
Homeland Security: Oklahoma City
EPA: Newark
US Trade Rep: El Paso
UN Mission: Guam
NEA: Orlando, so they can wear mouse ears
Social Security Admin: Phoenix
Post Office: Memphis, so FedEx can show them how it's done
BIA: Albuquerque
BATF: Waco
INS: Ciudad Juarez (don't forget to duck, guys)
CIA: Pigeon Forge, TN, because they're all a bunch of boobs
FDA: 3 Mile Island, so they might get faster approving cancer-treatment drugs
FBI: Chicago
DEA: Humboldt County, CA
NSA: Detroit
Weather Service: Mt. Washington, NH
Amtrak: Molokai
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