Happy Birthday to my Dad

It's my Dad's birthday today - the day we used to set up the Christmas tree when I was a child, and then have steak and baked potatoes, my Dad's favorite special meal. Here's to the man who spent 13 of his own birthdays wrestling with a cold, snow-covered Christmas tree just to make me smile.



Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you.

The Complicated Life of an Eight Year Old

I promised myself I would write about Two on his birthday and here it is three days later and I’m just now figuring out what I want to say.

He’s a complicated kid sometimes – made even more so by his perfectly cultivated surface appearance of “just a regular all-round good guy”. But there’s a whole lot going on below that surface that most people don’t see.

In contrast, with One you know from the start you’ve got someone to deal with. Who he is shines (or glowers) on the surface of every part of his being. He never dissembles, never wonders if he could put a little more effort into making himself a little more amenable to others. WYSIWYG: if One was ever allowed to get a tattoo that’s what it should be, placed somewhere everyone would notice it.

Two? He IS just a regular all-round good guy. He’s good with his friends, good at games, good at navigating the social sea of elementary school and making it look easy. I admire this trait in him immensely; it’s something he shares with his father but emphatically NOT with me. But beneath all that is a kid who has all sorts of stuff going on – good and not-so-good – and has as many things to work on and work through as his brother does, as any of us do. He’s still finding ways to adjust to his Sensory Processing Disorder, he’s still learning to love to work (or to do it anyway when he doesn’t love it), and he frequently wants to fight the world. Actually, it’s less the world, I’m coming to realize, but anyone who has authority over him. Husband and I have come in for the brunt of that over the years, and his teachers have taken their lumps as well. He’s gotten much better, but he still pushes against authority like no child I’ve ever seen. Our biggest job as his parents is and has always been to teach him when to fight and when to let go.

Two, what do I want to know now that you are eight? Keep fighting, but pick your battles better. Don’t stop being the best friend so many people know and love. Stay adventurous, creative, and just a little bit wild. Use that fight, friendship, and love of adventure to take on the world in a new, creative way that is like no one else. The world needs your passionate wild side, your love for others, and the unique way you look at things more than you will ever know. Most of all, know that we love you to the moon and back, and always will. We want to watch you become exactly who you were created to be; we’re pretty sure it’s going to be quite a show!

I love you, not-so-little Two.

The Birthday Party

We survived. That's about all I can say of Two's birthday sleepover bash, which started yesterday at 4 and went on until the wee hours of this morning. All in all he had maybe four hours of sleep, and I am dumbfounded that he made it through today as well as he did. Hopefully he'll get a good night's sleep tonight and be ready to jump into the crazy-busy he has ahead of him without much trouble. I want to write something about him and his eight-ness tomorrow, on his real birthday, but for now here's an image of him catching sight of his candle-lit cake.

May all your birthday wishes come true, little one.

The Four-O

Today is the day: I am finally 40.

I’ve been half dreading this day for months – hopeful that I could be positive about it but realizing that it would be likely I’d want to spend the day in bed eating chocolates and crying.

But guess what? I LOVE IT. I’m glad to be 40 – glad to be where I am in all things, even though I am quite aware at the same time that I am a miserable un-holy (quite literally) mess who needs a lot of work yet. I’m glad I’m finally old enough to have figured that out! And happier still that I’ve been blessed beyond all measure with a host of good things I could never earn on my own.

Thank you – all of you – who make this world a wonderful place to spend another 40 years. To my husband in particular, thank you for your healing, unchanging love and your limitless patience, both of which are gifts from God himself every day. You love me and cherish me like I never imagined any person could – or would want to – and that is the most unbelievable blessing. To my beautiful boys, thank you for thinking I’m a wonderful mother; I hope you never have a therapist convince you otherwise. I love you all the way to the moon and back; even on your worst days, your kisses make every day a birthday.

HELLO WORLD – I’M A GROWN-UP! Happy birthday to me … happy birthday to me …..

Quotes from the Birthday Boy

I woke up with Two in my bed (not an uncommon occurrence) and Knight the wild boxer was stamping all over the two of us, trying to convince us to feed him, NOW. Says Two:

"Why is that dog being so mean to the birthday boy?"

Later, he was trying to pick a show to watch from TiVo:

"Redeye? I think that is highly inappropriate for children."

Yes, indeed.

The Big Birthday

Husband is now officially 40. He has slept his first night as a 40 year old, and the news is as old and stale as a three day old baguette. I avoided blogging about his birthday over the weekend, since we were actually having his birthday, for real, and I preferred to participate in it. Even writing as little and as poorly as I do, there's something about writing about an event (especially as it happens) that turns you into a total spectator and not a participant. It's like being the one with the video camera at the birthday party: you can't help your child blow out his candles with that thing pasted to your face.

So the day was filled with peace and harmony, presents and food. The most amazing man I've ever met is officially a year older, and I love him 20 times more than I did when I met him 20 years ago. Life is good.

May God grant you many years, my dear one. I love you.

To My Birth-Mother

Hi. Well, I guess that 39 years ago you had one hell of a day. I just wanted to say "hey" and "I love you" and "thanks". Mostly thanks for doing the hard thing, and not finding a doctor who was sypathetic enough to your college-student self to help you get an abortion. Thanks for walking around campus for all those months, hiding under a coat and still having people stare. Thanks for the lost friends, the disapproving aunts, the fights with your parents. Whatever it was you went through, I'm sure it sucked. And so, thanks. Thanks for knowing I was a person even before you heard my heartbeat or felt me move inside you.

I pray that God has blessed you for what you did. I hope that you changed other's minds about life because of your courage. And selfishly, I'd like to think that you'll never forget me.

Thanks always. And I'll never forget you - I promise.

Happy Birthday to Me

I'm a little older than six now, of course, but I like this birthday picture best:


I'm the one with the big red tomato on her jumper.

More Birthday Music

Birthday song for my husband. I love you.

Yes I know one thing for certain ... you'll be there ...

Birthday Song

Husband would like to share this with y'all on his birthday - he's in a happy, soulful mood today.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my amazing husband and many, many happy returns of the day!

(Picture from 2006, but still a good one.)

I love you, angel!

Happy Birthday to Me

June 15. Wow, what a day. Today we can all celebrate the day that, 38 years ago, a woman who never wanted me to begin with finally gave birth to my 5lb self and walked away without (most likely) ever even looking at my face. Today we can celebrate the 15 lbs I've gained in the past 12 months, the fact that in 2 weeks I will have no longer have a dependable source of income, and that no member of my family will call me today with birthday greetings because (a) my mother is a #*%$*, (b) the male members of my family are waiting for their Father's Day calls, and (c) my mother in law has never in 17 years remembered on which day in June my birthday falls.

Husband bought me some lovely things at Ann Taylor yesterday and One made me 2 pictures. They are very sweet and loving.

And now, I am going to work on a long boring legal project, do the grocery shopping, and maybe have a panic attack or 2.

Have a nice day, y'all.