Sometimes I feel like a tomato, split open with juice running out over the cutting board. It's a painful but good feeling; God opens my heart, tears spill out, and when it is over and He has knit me back together I feel more whole than before. It's the brokeness of spirit we hopefully all experience, and it brings us closer to Christ.
Right now, however, I am a peeled cucumber. Not cut open or broken apart, but raw, exposed to everything without any protection. Everything hurts, even physically - I grip my arms across my chest for protection, hands in balls, teeth clenched. Sounds ring discordantly in my ears, everyone seems to come into my space instead of just coming near me. I'm crowded, tense, and no help comes. There are no tears, there is no rescue, there is no relief.
When I am a cucumber, I pray for Christ to break me open - make me a tomato! - I want to cry out to Him.
As we walk towards Easter this week, I want my heart to split open. I want to feel broken, so I can then feel Christ's redemption for real.
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