Countdown to Torment

We're counting down to my mother's 1/2 yearly visit right now; she arrives tomorrow. Usually when she descends upon us I stop blogging alltogether, but this time I have a plan: I'm going to keep a running list of my favorite things she says and post them at opportune moments. What will be opportune about the moments, you ask? Well, they will be when I can't stand it anymore and am about to pop with all the things I want to say to her but won't. And there will be moments on this visits, I assure you. There always are, but this time we're introducing her Baptist self to our Orthodox church; I can't wait until she walks into the sanctuary and sees Christ enthroned on the Theotokos's lap - the most dominant fresco in the church. That will be one of many, many things she will feel the need to comment on. Even in everyday conversation, she throws out some whoppers, so the entertainment level here should be quite high, I assure you.

Just so you know the quality of phrases we're dealing with, some of the all-time greatest things my mother has said to me are:

When I told her that after five years of courtship, Husband and I finally were planning a wedding: "Is there a history of demon possession in his family?"

After announcing I was pregnant with One: "[SOB] I'd always prayed God would close your womb!"

On the subject of parenting after my parent's divorce: "I'm so glad God allowed me to raise you as if I'd been widowed. It worked out so much easier for me that way." Yeah Mom: Dad and I feel the same way.

So welcome to more free therapy for me! Feel free to check out and come back next week if this sort of thing doesn't interest you. She leaves on Sunday afternoon, you know. But if you stick around, be prepared to have some fun - at her and my expense, of course.

Here's hoping I make it to the other side of another thrilling visit ...