Two, on his way to the Arboretum to "bat class": "Bats don't wear underwear, you know." This is important only because he was pretending to be a bat at the time.
One, on the aged dog Kirby who lives on our street: "He's pretty much just a walking fossil, isn't he?" This is a bit of trash talking, because in the past One has admitted to being jealous of Kirby, who has travelled to Rome. If I remember it correctly, "man, he's walked where the Caesers walked!" was the source of One's jealousy.