Stay home! We promise you, you would hate Texas; it's really (cross our hearts) not as nice as your wonderful state. We eat too much meat, drive large trucks, and think country music actually sounds good. We would really prefer that you keep your pot-legalizin', real estate-flippin', liberal Democrat-votin' selves on the West Coast where you belong. That way, when the big earthquake comes and you all fall into the sea, so many problems will be solved all at once.Thanks, y'all. We knew you sensitive types would understand.
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