Everything You Wanted to Know about my Christmas ...

... but didn't care enough to ask.

First of all, let me say that I am sick. Sick, sick, sick. Which is why I am allowed to blog during business hours. Honest – it’s in the Employee Handbook. Oh, and I copied this from Missy, which is also allowed when you are sick. Ready? Okay, here we go:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Spiced apple cider. But no brandy in it. Never, ever, ever. Oh no.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? It depends. What size of present was he planning on bringing, and is there wrapping paper large enough to fit? Because if it’s an iPod, I’m sure he will wrap it. But the foos ball table? The fat man didn’t bother with that sucker.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White. Because I’ve always been a light snob is why. But I am discovering a secret love for colored lights, and every year I think about breaking some out. I’ve given up on lights outside the house. In fact, I can’t even imagine decorating outside the house right now – but that might be the Sudafed talking.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Husband just got his very first shotgun, so maybe he can shoot some down from a tree and bring it home. I’ll ask.

5. When do you put your decorations up? The family tradition (on my side of the family, that is) is that the tree goes up on December 11th. Yes, exactly on December 11th. Why? Because my mother thought it was a great idea to make my dad wrestles with a big, fat, snowy Christmas tree on his birthday every year. I am quite certain he hasn’t done that since the mid-80’s, when they divorced. Hey, Dad – I hope you never have to put up a tree on your birthday, ever again.

As for this family, the tree and decorations happen sometime between now and the 15th. It’s not a set thing. It happens only when I break down from the whining and begging from the boys. When that occurs, I bribe Husband with things that aren’t any of your business, and we haul all the stuff out of its home in the guest room closet over the eaves. I put it all up, and the boys spend maybe 5 minutes throwing ornaments on the tree. Then they run away to play tackle football on the wood floor upstairs, and I finish everything off. Nothing but fun in this house. 24/7.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Tamales. And more tamales. And after that, tamales for dessert. God. Bless. Texas.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Christmas Eve with my paternal grandmother. Sometimes my younger aunts and uncles would show up with her and we would play pool. They let me stand on a chair to play, and sometimes they let me win. Life was sweet at six: I even had my own pool cue.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Is there a secret I don’t know about? Please, do tell!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes. One per person. No substitutions, exceptions or refunds.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? See #5 above. The toss and run method works well around here with all kinds of things. We even serve dinner that way sometimes.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. Because I live in Houston and it has snowed twice in 17 years. That’s snow you can really love.

12. Can you ice skate? Why yes I can! I get weepy every time I see the movie Miracle; not because of the whole “beat the Soviets” thing, but because the sight of those red seats at the rink remind me of years and years of being the worst skater in the Lake Placid Skating Club. Just one of the scars of childhood. Thank you for bringing it up.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? As a child? I’m going to vote for the big Barbie head you could put make up on and color her hair and all. Just the smell of all that plastic and chemicals – yeah baby!

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Here’s my theory on that one: the proper answer is, of course, the birth of Christ. However, since I view modern Christmas as a sort of Saturnalia that has long since lost its original meaning, I think I’ll say eating.

Personally, I’d like to keep the mid-winter Saturnalia thing going, and come up with another time to celebrate Christ’s birth. Since we know it wasn’t on December 25th, why not? How much luck do you think I’ll have with the Patriarch of Antioch on that idea? Should I write him a letter?

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Just about anything. Maybe Moeller’s Bakery’s’ petit fours. Or their coconut snowballs. Or my chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Or …

I’ll stop now.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Staying in and wearing jammies all of Christmas Day. We even eat Christmas dinner in our jammies. And at bedtime, we go upstairs, put on clean jammies, and go to bed. Sometimes, laziness does = perfection.

17. What tops your tree? A “gold” wire star. Eh.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I’m going to be sanctimonious and say giving. Because it’s almost true. Well, when it comes to kids – it is true.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? I love Christmas hymns. Love love love them. The best one I’ve ever heard was years ago, when we were still Presbyterian: the choir at midnight services walked in singing Once in Royal David’s City. All the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. Gorgeous.

20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Eh. The boys don’t love them, and I don’t love finding partially eaten ones all over the house. We usually don’t buy them for this reason.

21 Favorite Christmas Show? The Grinch. I do not resemble him at Christmas, but the rest of the year? Well …

22. Saddest Christmas Song? No such thing. Christmas is happy. Christmas no is sad. Now go listen to Merry Christmas from the Family and stop sobbing already.

You have our permission to copy this post and fill it out on your blog. Wow, I channeled Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday for a moment. Weird. Must be the Sudafed.