Lileks Makes Me Laugh

He's mad at his scanner:

"Yes, I turned it off, turned it on, reseated the cables, reinstalled the software, restarted the computer, ran the setup assistant, checked the site for drivers, aligned the unit to face true north, painted the room a soothing grey, daubed lamb’s blood on the top and chanted blessings to Ra, and all the other rote things we do. It’s worked fine for a year or so, even though it drinks print with a thirst that brings to mind Dracula in a convent, and wouldn’t remember my preferences if I engraved them on the motherboard with a woodburning tool in three languages, and occasionally makes scanning noises for no reason like a dog sighing in the next room. It was only seventy dollars. Nine hundred, counting the ink. I hate it."

I [heart] James Lileks.