Debt

I'm in debt. Up to my eyeballs, actually. I've not admitted this before on this blog, but somehow I thought you should know. I am slowly (read 5 years at current income) paying off credit card debt I incurred while I wasn't working full time. It's really not a overwhelmingly huge amount, but given our lifestyle (in particular our mortgage payment) I can only put a little towards it every month. So I don't save for retirement, I force Husband to take more than his fair share of the monthly expenses, while I chip unendingly away at what I know will never disappear.

Debt like this is such a huge sin. You really have no idea until you're squashed under it. I can't tithe (or really give anything to charity), and that is such a huge deal, especially in my church. I can't even tell you how much it upsets me. And because I can't tithe, even though I've been asked to attend leadership meetings several times, I won't do it, because I don't think I should take any kind of leadership position at all if I can't meet my Christ-ordered responsibility of giving to the needy.

I am trapped. Absolutely stuck. Stuck in debt. Stuck in the consequences of sin. Yes, I've asked for and received forgiveness. Yes, I've changed my behavior and no longer even own a credit card. But the consequences go on a long time and the shadow they've cast is very dark sometimes.