The Battle for School, Part 1

We've had a chequered history with schooling the boys. Our first thought, now known to be not the best one we've ever had, was to set them up at the private school affiliated to our then-current church. The academics seemed fine, the thorny problem of public middle school was solved, and everything ticked along nicely for a while. One started when he was 3 1/2 and seemed to adjust fairly well - after a rocky first week or two. Preschool blew by and Kindergarten arrived. This was One's magical year. He was blessed with 2 creative and individualistic teachers and it showed. He read like a madman, developed a surprising love of math, and generally jumped into the car every day with "guess what we did today?!" on his lips. Meanwhile, Two was in the school's itty-bitty 3 day preschool program, doing okay but not really getting the point. He didn't like circle-sitting, or lining up, or waking up early, but we perservered. After all, everyone else we knew (at the time) was doing it, so it must work just fine, right?

Then first grade arrived for One, and the 2nd year of preschool for Two. Disaster would probably be the best word for it, for both of them. One learned nothing; all the academics were a repeat of K. Worse yet, he was trapped in a desk most of the day between 2 girls - just at the time he was developing a 6 year old boy's dislike of them. He sassed the teacher when the boredom became overwhelming; we met with the principal and were told he (a) had been a behavioral problem since preschool and (b) was not as bright as we thought. Meanwhile, Two was getting worse. His classroom was maybe 10'x14', with 14 children and 2 teachers crammed in. It was noisy, everyone was at his shoulder, in his face, and he started acting out. More conferences, a sneering principal, but no help at all.

As the fall dwindled, I was done with One and that school. One of our neighbors had planted the home schooling seed in my heart the prior Spring, and I was ready by that point to give it a try. I convinced Husband, and we withdrew One from school at the beginning of November. I'd love to say home schooling was an unmitigated joy, but it was as normal as anything else in parenting. We had great days, we had lousy days, but he learned. His spark came on again, and we grew closer every day - maybe replacing some of the time we'd lost when I worked full time the first few years of his life, I don't know. At any rate, it worked, we both matured through it, and I'll never forget a moment of it.

Poor Two was left in school after we pulled One out. He tried, and it was horrible. After Christmas they adopted a "zero tolerance of Two" policy, and any infraction landed him in the office, waiting for me to come take him home. They suspended him on his 4th birthday, first accusing me of causing the entire problem by home schooling One, then screaming at me in the hall that "he is not allowed back into class until we have had a meeting." - all while his friends and their mothers watched and waited for us to join them for Two's birthday party. We went out to eat with his friends and Two "disposed of" his school jacket - we searched, the restaurant staff searched, but no one could unearth that jacket with the big school logo on the front. As usual, Two was sending messages to us. He doesn't always need words to do it - this was a great reminder of that fact.

After that, he had less than a month in school. When everyone returned after Spring Break, I merely kept him home. We never officially withdrew him; instead, I just kept him where he should have been all along. It was a very hard lesson to learn, but at least for us, the last place on earth a 3 year old child needed to be was school.

This past fall they both went back to school - new schools for both of them, found after much thought and prayer. We closed our ears to our children and our God long enough; now, finally, the boys are where they belong. God gave us the great gift of being able to afford private school for our children and we squandered it. Now we're more mindful of what a great gift that is, and we're listening and learning how best to use it. Like all gifts, we - at least I - needed to travel down the road we did to get to the place we are today. I am so grateful that our God forgives us when we open our ears 1/2 way though what He's trying to tell us, and then gently repeats it for us so we can dig out of the hole we've made by going it alone.